miserable

Today I believe I´ve reached rock bottom. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, I just ...
I am truly impressed with my cappacity to self destruct, me out of all people... Maybe I´m just too damn tired of being so fucking cheerful all the time, tired of all the happiness that has always surrounded me... I don´t remember ever being sad, for anything ... why?
I dont´t understand why , out of the blue, this... I just want it to stop ... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It´s no surprise to me
I am my own worst enemy
´cause every now and then
I kick the living shit out of me
I quit trying to understand ...